Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
