Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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