I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
