It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
