first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
