I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
