batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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