i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
