Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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