escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
