I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
