cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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