Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
