he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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