Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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