Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
