Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
