I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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