apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
