I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
