God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
