My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
God, I missed his penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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