You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
