how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
