You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
