life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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