My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
