I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
