i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
