the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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