bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
