well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
