she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I look excited, but its just a facade.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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