There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
