My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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