Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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