i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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