i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
