Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
