I am in a vortex of obligation.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
