It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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