I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
