I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
