The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
