My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
