she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
