Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
