Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
