Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
