Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
