dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
